Control & Childhood
The mechanism of control originates in childhood. We used controlling thoughts and behaviors to cope. Though they were not healthy coping strategies, we still used them to “get by.” The mechanism of control is not a destructive behavior; however, it can become such because of the reasons why we begin to use it. We begin to be manipulative and indirect with those we love, and those who love us do the same towards us. We use control to hide our feelings and intentions or motives. We begin to lie about what we want or what we need, and we cover-up our inappropriate behaviors that we feel shame around. We use control to feel entitled to anything we want, to the exclusion or detriment of others. We employ control in order to use people and tell ourselves that they are there for our benefit and use.
Control is an Emotional Cancer
The damaging effects of controlling thoughts and behaviors are never-ending and too numerous to list. To control someone or to be controlled by someone is a spiritual and emotional cancer that has such far-reaching effects that few people can accurately describe the damage that is done to them psychologically, mentally, financial, spiritually, etc. It affects every area of their life and ravages their soul to the point that they have no peace. This destruction is happening to the controller and to the one being controlled. The frightening thing is that many people don’t even know what is happening to them until they are so sucked into the cycle of control that they either need professional help to get out or they feel helpless and hopeless to escape. Some even believe that death is their only way out.
The Process of Surrender is to:
Try an exercise from the workbook!
Exercise 12: Surrendering in Detail (Pg. 191 in Workbook)
Surrendering is an active process. It means you:
List 5 things, situations, areas, experiences, etc. that you have taken personal. Write them down.
For Example: I did not make the cheerleading squad and I took it personal by thinking that I was cut because I was not as cute as the other girls.
Exercise continued in the workbook . . .
I enjoy seeing people come into the Truth and expose the lies that distortion has been telling them for years and choose to become free from it's bonds.