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Jun 21, 2018

What is Validation?

Validation is a need. Just like we need air, water, and food to survive, we need connection and validation. A baby will literally die if not given validation, connection, and love.

In this week's blog, we are going to talk about what validation means and how you can apply it in your relationships.

Remember that you are responsible for yourself and that you cannot force another to provide you with validation. That is why it is important to 1) have a connection with God and receive validation from that relationship, 2) validate yourself, and 3) find safe, validating, and connected people.

Truths About Validation:

  • Validation is confirmation that your worth is independent of anything you think, feel or do, or anything that has been done unto you! 
  • Validation from another creates safety to explore your distorted thoughts and the false beliefs that nourish them. Validation creates the safety you need to expose distorted thoughts & false beliefs to Truth that replaces them.
  • When you feel deeply validated, you will invite others to support you in your choice to be humble, impeccably honest and rigorously responsible.
  • Resistance to validation is evidence of distorted thoughts & false beliefs.
  • Validation is not permission for what you did. It is confirmation of who you are.
  • When you validate, you acknowledge that others’ feelings exist, and you stand compassionately with the person who is experiencing them.
  • The only way to close the gap between how you really feel and how you wish you felt is to seek validation of who you really are.

This video shows the power and impact of validation. Enjoy and apply!

As you can see from the video above a great way to validate is to provide truthful compliments to people. 
Another powerful way to validate is to be curious about another person, their experiences, and their emotions. Showing others that you care about their life is a great way to validate. An easy way to do that is to ask questions and make validating statements.

Examples of Validating Statements:

  • “Help me understand what you mean / think / how you feel.” 
  • “What I heard you say was...” (use their language and their meaning—not yours; don’t paraphrase it).
  • “I’m not sure what you mean. Tell me again.”
  • “I want to hear you. You matter to me.”
  • “You are so... talented at what you do.”
  • “I didn’t hear you and I want to.”
  • “I’m struggling because I don’t agree AND I understand and want you to know I’m here.”
  • “How can I support you?”
  • “What can I do to let you know I’m present?”
  • “How did you do that? What happened? How did/do you feel about it? What are you going to do? Do you want some suggestions? Feedback?”
  • “I know when I think / feel / experience...”
  • “I understand...”
  • “It’s uncomfortable to share with you because you appear to...”
  • “I want to tell you the Truth AND are you willing to hear me?”
  • “I get scared and overreact too.”
  • “I too.”
  • “I totally appreciate why you...”
  • “It makes sense when you...”
  • “Aww, that is so upsetting when... that happens.”
  • “Tell me more about it.”
  • “What an opportunity...”
  • “You are so fortunate to...”
  • “It’s important that I understand you.”

How are you validating? How are you invalidating? What do your relationships think and how to they feel around you? How do you feel around them?

Always ask yourself how you can improve and how you can choose to receive more validation, both are your responsibility. 
Stay connected my friends.